By Tom Bone

Everybody can’t know everything, right? There are some areas of expertise that just don’t shine very brightly on our radar screens. If following sports is not your thing, and you have a male friend who loves to watch athletic competition, how do you bridge the gap?

There are a couple of ways you can go. The first we’re calling “Fakin’ It,” and is not for the faint of heart. The second I’ll call the “Straight and Narrow Approach” — intended to pave the way for your friend to do most of the talking. (How to stop him from overdoing it will be up to you or a relationship therapist. I’m no Dr. Phil.)

I’m told that for any relationship to blossom, you’ve got to work at it. That goes for showing an interest in sports as well. Do some homework. Look up Internet biographies of some of the best players on the teams you’ll be watching. See what teams are leading their division, and who’s in last place.

And don’t blurt out that an athlete is “cute” — male or female — unless your friend has already made verbal note of said cuteness.

In the last issue of Prerog-ative, Charles Owens and Tom Colley tried their hand at listing their favorite “chick flicks,” and got some, shall we say, interesting feedback. So I feel the need to issue a blanket disclaimer before we start.

I know from experience that there are plenty of women around who know a lot about sports, and some men who could care less. But it doesn’t hurt to provide some humble advice to folks who’re yearning to connect more deeply with their favorite sports-loving member of the opposite sex.

Baseball
The standard ice-breaker is, “What’s the infield fly rule?” The answer, unfortunately, is “boring.” Try the following instead.
Fakin’ It: “I just find it hard to believe all those statistics when you don’t know who’s been on steroids or not.”
Straight & Narrow: “Is the American League that much better than the National League, REALLY?”

NASCAR
With wrecks the rule, the race doesn’t always go to the fastest car, or the most skillful driver. NASCAR fans still love their drivers, though.
Fakin’ It: “Dale Earnhardt Jr. will be so much better off once he joins Hendrick Motorsports.”
Straight & Narrow: “What’s so different about ‘The Car of Tomorrow’?”

Basketball
March Madness has seeped over into April, and the college game has far exceeded the pros in capturing America’s attention, if TV ratings are a true indicator. This can produce a nice intro to a swell conversation, unless you want to debate the merits of a deeper 3-point arc. Nah, I didn’t think so.
Fakin’ It: “LeBron James would’ve been better off to have played in college before he went pro.”
Straight & Narrow: “Why do so many college players have trouble adapting to the NBA style of ball?”

Football
There’s so much going on during a football play, it opens up more opportunities to communicate than there is time before the next snap.
Fakin’ It: “Bill Belichick is a genius, I tell ya.” (Use this line only if you can properly pronounce “BELL-uh-chick.” And if you know that he’s the coach of the Patri-ots. And how often they go to the playoffs.)
Straight & Narrow: Try following one of the defensive guys, without the ball, over several plays. That may be a little tough, since most of the TV shots follow the guy with the ball. But someone, or several someones, will usually tackle him. Note a jersey number that keeps showing up among the tacklers and comment on how well he “flows to the ball.”

Golf
When it seems that all the tee shots and putts for birdie are looking alike, amuse yourself by comparing clothing styles.
Fakin’ It: “Parenthood won’t change Tiger Woods any more than it did Arnold Palmer.”
Straight & Narrow: “What effect has the weather there had on those greens, anyway?”

Hockey
The biggest challenge here may be finding a televised game during the NHL regular season, but the Bluefield Daily Telegraph’s sports section TV listings, and Fox Sports Pittsburgh, should be of great help.
Fakin’ It: “They sure messed things up with all those rule changes last year, didn’t they?”
Straight & Narrow: “Explain icing to me again.”

Soccer
The “world’s most popular sport” is still a mystery to many in the U.S. If you need help, Daily Telegraph sports writer and resident soccer guru Jed Lockett should be able to offer individualized instruction — for a small fee, of course.
Fakin’ It: “Who needs David Beckham, anyway?”
Straight & Narrow: “Ninety minutes for a 0-0 tie? What a well-played match!” P

Tom Bone is a sports writer and editorial cartoonist for the Bluefield Daily Telegraph.